Motherhood Makes Me Cry

Yes, it does, believe it or not, even before I became a mother. I dreamed about her – a girl of about 4 or 5 years of age with long hair. When I awoke, I cried and cried while trying to utter some kind of a prayer, begging God to make my personal life right: give me the right man to marry so I could have that little girl, before my time ran out. I was then in my early thirties and wasn’t in a serious relationship.

Four years later, I held her in my arms for the first time, my two-day-old daughter, and when she opened her eyes, it was a moment I would never forget.

When she got sick at two-years-old, my legs became jelly as I walked the distance from the emergency room to the admitting section, crying to my sister who was with me, “What is wrong with my baby?”

As a mother, I cry for many reasons and different situations. I cry when my daughter brings me flowers when I am ill, and whispers to my ear, “Are you okay, Mom?” I cry and shed scalding tears as I repent for being too stern with her when she couldn’t get to understand a lesson after I’ve painstakingly explained many times. I weep as I regret the words that might have hurt her feelings.

I cry in prayer as I acknowledge my failings, shortcomings, mistakes, and blunders as a mother. I cry as I beg God to heal me and prolong my life so I could nurture my children and see them grow up. I cry to God to help me, teach me, change me, make me always gentle and kind, and give me wisdom (and my husband, too) to rear our children in a way that’s pleasing in His sight.

When I received my daughter’s “Thank You” card on her graduation from lower school, I cried. She wanted to say “thank you” to her Dad and me for the love and care and for sending her to a good school. I cried and embraced her and told her that I’m proud of her and happy for her. She received a silver medal and she thought we are not satisfied with that. I admit I am guilty of setting high expectations from my daughter, but I’ve been praying fervently about it, and God has been working on me in this regard.

I cry in gratitude to the Lord for His wonderful gifts – my two children. I sometimes wonder how I ever got to deserve to be gifted with such jewels, knowing my mistakes in life. I’m thankful that my daughter is growing into a “little woman” with sensitivity, sweet love for us, and grateful heart.

I don’t read self-help books on motherhood. As in other aspects of my life such as my marriage and writing, I rely solely on the leading of the Holy Spirit and on God’s Word. On my own, I wouldn’t know how to go about all these roles – Christ’s follower, wife, mother, writer – all at the same time. But I commune with God and listen to His voice. I ask for His wisdom. Indeed, He is the source of my wisdom, inspiration, peace and joy.

I pray for everything and do my best to give thanks in everything. I cannot and do not rely on my own strength. I seek God’s help. It’s much easier when we do.

Linking with {Titus 2}sdays; Proverbs14verse1, Domestically Divine, Women Living Well, Teaching What is Good

6 comments on “Motherhood Makes Me Cry

  1. Lory says:

    Praise the Lord!
    I can say that you are blessed having Hanna and Tim as well.

    I can say that Hanna is so sweet girl and she really wants o please you thats why she did well in school.

    And i also agree that your prayer helps her to have a good grade^^

    May Dearest grant all your prayer in his perfect time.

  2. {esther} says:

    Beautifully put. Thank you!

    Much Love & Blessings,

    • RinaPeru says:

      Dear Esther,

      Thank you! I visited your blog – pretty site, lovely photos and music. Heartwarming! Really nice to meet you here.

      Blessings, too!


  3. says:

    Dear Ate,
    I am crying while reading this. Thanks for such an inspirational message. I hope and pray that you are well and always happy. Hope to meet your lovely family one of these days, I haven’t seen you for a very long time. God bless!

    • RinaPeru says:

      Hi Lalaine! So grateful to the Lord Jesus for touching your heart with this! And thank you for being so thoughtful to leave me a message – it warmed my heart and inspired me in return. Me, too, I can’t remember the last time I saw you :). Yes, hoping and praying that our families would meet some day soon.

      You’ve been blessed with a good life in UK. Take care always!
      Ate Rina

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