In our lives, although we know that it is about time to let go of something or someone, sometimes we are just too afraid to actually do it. But the Lord knows what’s in our hearts. And even if we don’t ask for it, He will make a way for us to finally let go – accept the ending and welcome the new beginning, albeit with much apprehension.
These few years after I gave birth to my son Tim, I had this desire hidden in my heart, next to my healing, that we didn’t need a housekeeper or a nanny. That I was well and strong to care for my household. Just us.
And I remember one time, Hannah came to me with a very sad face and told me, “Mom, I wish we didn’t have housemaids. I wish the day would come that it is only us, our whole family.” I told her I wanted that, too, but explained that I wasn’t well and strong enough to care for myself and them, and so, in the meantime that we were waiting for my complete healing and recovery, we would have to live with housemaids.
Ever since I became ill in late-2003, we maintained a household staff of two stay-in housemaids, one washerwoman (who also irons clothes) who comes twice-a-week, our company driver who also drives Hannah to and from school, and later on, our office caretaker who comes every Saturday to tend to the garden and other days of the week to run errands.
When I gave birth to Tim 4 years ago, although he slept with me and my husband while he was an infant, I couldn’t carry him until he grew up. Maricris, my husband’s cousin and our long-time housekeeper, became the nanny of Tim and in the process, they developed a bond that was stronger than what my son and I could have.
During the months that I was in and out of illness after I gave birth, Tim spent so much time with Maricris.
Many times, I had experienced my heart being wrenched out of its place seeing my son not choosing to run to me but to her. I had wept at the irony of it all: the Lord giving me a son for another to hold.
I began to wish in my heart that the situation were different. But I knew also that I needed Maricris because she was trained to assist me in my personal needs and in household chores that I love doing, like baking.
I didn’t ask for it but the day came when the Lord brought change to our household. Maricris was offered a job in Hong Kong as a domestic helper and she accepted it. Without going into details, we crossed that day when she finally said goodbye to us without any hitch.
Although it would still be difficult in the days ahead, my general feeling was one of relief. I’m amazed at how the Lord gives us peace and strength when we most needed them. I’m trusting the Lord Jesus and His plans for our family all the way.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jer. 29:11)