At past midnight, I rise to seek the Lord’s face. As I settle down at the edge of the bed, weariness from the day’s strivings settles heavy upon my shoulders. But heavier still are the feelings of failure, disappointments, frustrations. When will I ever learn to walk perfectly before the Lord? And I approach the throne of grace with only my shortcomings in my hands, but with the great desire to praise Him anyways.
I utter my prayer. No, not my usual structured prayer that has confidence, but one that admits weaknesses and failings, and pleads for understanding yet again. A prayer that says, “I am weary, Lord, and I just want to sit at Your feet and rest, and while I do that, would your love please cover all my faults? And would You please continue to work on me and teach me?”
Then I start to sing. Not powerful, but every word sung is sincere and gives honor to the One I adore. And I try to remember all His goodness, tender mercies and lovingkindnesses, and I feel strength and lightness creeping in. I sing and I feel my whole being enveloped with warm comfort, and I feel His love – unfailing and always giving life.
No one ever cared for me like Jesus
There’s no other friend so kind as He
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me
Oh, how much He cares for me.
I feel my body tremble. It’s a feeling of awe and gratitude and of being accepted and loved despite my mistakes, all wanting to bubble to the surface. And I yield my spirit and body to the holy presence of my Savior, sobbing uncontrollably, while still trying to sing praises. The lyrics and melody and a heart full of thanksgiving all melding into a humble offering.
And I say to Him in my heart, “My Lord Jesus, I don’t deserve You”. But He answers, “You deserve Me because I made it possible through My love for you that is complete.”
And the conversation in the Spirit goes on. He teaches me and tells me of things I ought to know, and I am enlightened.
The pains that the world inflicts, they fly away in His presence. In His presence, I only know love and acceptance. In His presence, there is no condemnation, only forgiveness. In His presence, my mind is renewed, and I get to learn what really matters to Him.
Who shall abide in His tabernacle? Who shall dwell in His holy hill? She that walks uprightly and loves righteousness. AND she who humbles herself before the Lord, accepting her faults and failures and acknowledging that only the Lord Jesus’ love can cover and complete her.
For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the spirit of the contrite ones. (Isa. 57: 15)
My dear friends, my prayer for you this weekend is that you would hear the gentle whispers of God, drawing you towards Him, to seek His face even more and dwell in His holy presence. Amen.